Confessions of a Fuckboy
by Zighana
Summary: Jake has been playing with Trixie's emotions for far too long. It's time to make a decision. Trixie/Jake, slight Jake/Rose rated M for Later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Confessions of a Fuckboy**

 _Jake, suffering from his divorce with Rose, placates his negative emotions by sharing his bed with Trixie every night. But when she has had enough of Jake's reluctance to commit, it lands Jake in a tight spot and he has to make a decision. And he needs to make one fast, before his second shot at happiness could walk out of his door and out of his life, forever._

* * *

We both sit in silence, both unsure of what to say. Trixie has been crying for the past hour, her throat scraped raw from our emotional screaming match. I'm drained too; I have no more fire to fight anymore, my body glued to the couch from the lack of energy. Trixie gets up, straightens her clothes, turns to me and says,

"I've had enough, Jake."

I close my eyes and inhale sharply.

I know now where this is going.

"I'm ready to walk out this door, Jake. And you have to understand, once I walk out that door, it's too late. I'm walking out that door and I won't look back. And let me tell you, Jake. You are making the biggest mistake of your life if you let me walk out this door."

The moment of truth.

I instead stare at her. She looks back, her pretty brown eyes puffy with tears. She's pleading with me to make my decisions, but I can't. This is too much in too little time. Time. I need so much more time.

Trixie gives me one good look, and makes her way to the door.

 _Stop her,_ I feel my brain scream. _Stop her before you'll regret it for the rest of your life!_

"Trixie, please. I need more time."

"Time," she snorts, "you had more than enough already."

She picks up the pace, her Chanel perfume kissing my senses. Even her scent is telling me goodbye.

I get up, but I'm rooted to the ground. My feet won't move to stop her.

"You are letting a damn good woman slip through your fingers, Jake."

Flashes of our time spent together hit me. Our first play date, our first day at school, the first day we met Spud, our first time skateboarding. Our nights spent in my room looking up at the ceiling talking about our futures. The times she risked her life for me and I hers. The first night we spent making love. The first time she told me she loved me. Our first time spending time together without Spud, learning each others secrets. The first time I imagined her wearing my grandmother's ring and her taking my last name.

All of those memories are fading with every step she took. By the time her hand touches the door, all of them vanish. Tears are now clouding my judgment.

Those memories will die with her.

"Goodbye, Jake."


	2. Chapter 2: Birthday

"I want a divorce."

I drop my fork and knife and look at her. We are in my favorite Chinese restaurant, on my birthday. The paper is on the table, folded up neat and meticulous, just like Rose.

"Can you please tell me why you want a divorce?"

"I think it's self explanatory, Jake. We have nothing together that isn't founded on a Junior High crush and disillusionment. I'm not happy living this lie."

What lie? We've been married ever since we got out of high school. Five years. Five long, prosperous years. And she wants to end it?

"We have nothing in common, we used to be enemies and we still have bad blood among our families for their misdeeds…"

"Cut the bullshit, Rose. You knew that we were past that. Whatever static we had was settled back in high school. We've been through too much for you to just throw in the towel and say 'fuck it'!"

I closed my eyes and counted to five. Then I looked back at her.

"Rose, tell me the real reason you want a divorce, tell me why you picked my birthday of all days to hand me the divorce papers."

"I don't love you anymore, Jake. In fact, I don't think I ever did."

Ice fell into the pit of my stomach, and my heart felt like a hole burrowed inside of it.

"I thought I was in love with you, but I realized it wasn't real love. It was infatuation with an idea of a normal life, of a fairy tale romance that erased who I was forced to be. Jake, you're an amazing guy, but you don't love me. You are infatuated with me. You are still stuck in that Junior High puppy love that won't go away. We have no chemistry, no common interests besides us holding secrets from each other, and that's not the foundation for a healthy relationship and you know it. "

"How dare you say I don't love you. Rose, I love you more than life itself. I will do anything and everything to make you happy and we've done everything to put the past behind us. Please, Rose. Don't end this. Don't end it like this. I love you,"

My vision is blurry, I try to grab her hand for support, but instead, I grabbed her wedding ring.

"I'm sorry, Jake. But you need to stop confusing love with lies. This marriage, this love, this false sense of happiness, are all lies. You don't love me, Jake. You love the idea of me. Please, sign the papers and I'll be on my way. Goodbye."

Her lips pressed against mine, and for once, it felt final. I'll never kiss those lips again. Tears are falling down my face, my arms fighting against pressing her body against mine and crushing her, my mind pleading with her to tear those divorce papers to shreds and tell me it's some sick joke. But I knew.

It's over.

She left, her sun kissed scent of strawberries and vanilla kissing me goodbye. I stare at my half drunk glass of wine and I knocked it down in one gulp. I look around the waiter and notice all of those happy couples slow dancing to Peter Gabriel's 'The Book of Love' and it makes me sick. I slunk down in my seat and I motion for the waiter to come. This place was our first official date, our engagement spot, our wedding reception and now, the setting for my broken heart and divorce.

I hate this place now.

"Happy Birthday to our favorite customer, Jake Long!"

Noise comes in all directions; I'm blessed with a large cake, balloons, and a paper dragon spewing confetti all over my suit. The owner, Mrs. Wu, appeared with a Polaroid camera and snapped a photo of my surprised face.

"A picture of the ages! My, Mr. Long, didn't we just see your wife not too long ago?"

My head hung low. There, on the cake, is a photo of me and Rose slow dancing at our wedding. There, in tacky blue frosting, are the words " **Happy Birthday Jake! And Happy Anniversary to Our Favorite Couple! Five Years Going Strong!** "

"Ex wife," I whisper. I smeared the frosting and blew out the candles, staring at our old wedding photo.


	3. Chapter 3: The Visit

"I can't believe she dumped me, man."

"Bro, it's better than to have loved and lost than to, uh…"

"Stop staring at her tits, Spud."

"It's hard not to when they're in my face. They're so sparkly…"

I down my shot and gave him a surly look. We've been in this strip club for about a few hours and already I want to go home.

After the disaster on my birthday, the divorce went swiftly and quietly; Rose wanted nothing from our shared estate and she didn't even ask for half my shit. She simply grabbed her clothes and vanished without a trace. It's been a month since I'm newly divorced and so far I'm miserable. The single life is awkward; I can't remember the last time I held a decent conversation with a female without them looking at my wedding band and giving me that suspicious "you're one of those" type glances, and I'm a wrong answer away from getting the drink to the face and a pissed off girl muttering about cheating husbands before I can even tell her I'm recently divorced, or delve into the very cringeworthy "I still have feelings for my ex-wife" speech that makes the situation worse off than it was.

It's not that I'm divorced, it's that I'm still in love with Rose. She's the only woman I dated; she's literally all I knew in the world of dating. I learned quickly what works for Rose doesn't work for many other women: some like to cut to the chase, some are far too shy and subtle, some are just looking to not be bothered with male company.

Spud is a regular at Kitten; his charm and utmost respect of women earned him popularity among the strippers. I get my money's worth when I mention Spud; the girls go crazy and I'm guaranteed a hot night and a warm bed every time a girl grinds in my lap like she's struck gold. It worked for a while, but now it's starting to get boring; I really want to go home and hit the sack. Whatever hard on I had has since deflated from the strong stench of stale cigarettes and desperation.

"I'll call you later. Don't leave your wallet in the restroom again."

I patted his shoulder and dug for my keys.

I hopped in my car and drove to my apartment.

Opening the door and flicking on the switch, I'm greeted by my masochism. Mementos of Rose and I's love are still littered everywhere in my home. Our furniture, our sheets, our photos of love and happiness, remain untouched. I can't let go of her, no matter how much I tried. While she's moved on, I'm still stuck in the past. I make my way to our…the bed, running my hands over the side she used to sleep on. If I closed my eyes and smelled, I can pretend she's still here. I can hear her laughter, taste the sweat of her as we make love, smell her shampoos and conditioners as she washes her hair in the shower. These are the only things that are keeping me stable.

I lie down on my side of the bed, stroking her pillow, smelling it once more, and I exhale.

"Rose," I whisper, and I feel my tears coming. I can't cry anymore; I won't cry anymore. I just need to take my mind off it.

I pick up my phone and dial. A few rings later, she answers.

"Jakey boy, there had better be a good reason why you're calling me when I'm in the middle of packing."

As usual, she's snappy and sweet.

"Well, I just wanted to go over the details again so I know what to do and how to do it so it all goes according to plan."

I hear Trixie sigh.

"7:30 AM, flight 85, meet up, hotel, then party at your parents'. Got it?"

"Loud and clear."

"Anything else you want to talk to me about? Because you clearly didn't call me just to go over some plans I had you memorize weeks ago. What's good?"

"I, I just want someone to talk to to get my mind off of…"

"Rose. I know it's rough, but you have to roll with the punches and realize she was never good for you to begin with. She did try to kill you on numerous occasions…"

"That was in the past. I thought after all we been through, she would at least try to fight for it."

"One thing you have to respect about her is at least she'd rather be honest with you that she wasn't truly happy instead of letting both of you suffer by living a lie. You have to let her go, you're not doing yourself any favors if you keep holding on to her."

"You think I don't know that, Doctor Carter? That's the part that's hard. Five years of my life gone to waste, you know what I could've done in five years…?"

"Jake, stop. Look, when I fly in, we are going to have an awesome time of partying, hanging out with your family, and going on adventures. I don't want to hear the word 'Rose' fly out of your mouth, ever. Got it?"

I want to tell her yes, but I knew it's easier said than done.

I don't want to ruin Trixie's visit, but at the same time I'm still recovering from my divorce. It's been a month; it's too little time.

"I'll try," I grumbled into the phone. It's Trixie's day tomorrow. I can't let my negative emotions ruin it for her short time in NYC. We haven't kept in contact in so long…

I can hear her smile through the phone.

"Alright! See you at 7:30. Be sure to wake Spud's lazy ass up around 5. You know he's a late one."

Don't I know it.

"I know. I'll see you soon, Trix. Night."

"Night."

I hung up the phone and left it on the nightstand. I got to wake up and get ready in a couple of hours, but I can't sleep. I'm wide awake, depressed, and lonely. I dig into my nightstand to retrieve my wedding photo. Our smiling faces bring me comfort; I stroke her face lovingly and press my lips against the glass, pretending just for a second it was her lips. I put the photo on Rose's side of the bed and it's then, I feel better. I feel happy, calm, and at peace. As my eyes droop, I make a mental note that this isn't healthy.

I need the real thing.

As scheduled, I woke up at 5 AM, called Spud, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed out the door to pick him up and drive to the airport. He rode in the passenger, hungover and chill, listening to indie rock while I'm trying to not lose my patience. We pull up to the airport, and we waited.

At 7:30 AM on the nose, here comes our Homegirl Trix, arms full of luggage and stacked like pancakes with extra syrup.

South Carolina has been good to her.

"Hey, y'all! It's been too long since I've seen you two!"

She hugs us both for what felt like forever; it'd been five years since we've seen each other. Five years since she left for Voorhees to pursue her medical career, five years since I'd last talked to her and told her I'm getting married, and five years since we all as a group came together to hang out.

And here we are.

"Yeah, way too long. Glad to have you here, Trix." Spud interjected, patting her shoulder and burping in response.

"Don't mind him; he spent a little too much time at Kitten with Melody,"

"Shut up, bro."

"So, how was your studies in Voorhees?"

"Pretty great. I got my degree in Biology and heading into med school for my Bachelors and eventual PhD in medicine. I'll be Trishelle Carter, MD." She boasts, tearing into a slice of pizza. We're chilling at this hole in the wall pizza joint we used to frequent as kids; it's one of the few places that hasn't changed a bit and doesn't hold any bad memories with Rose. The atmosphere feels like I can breathe; I'm with my friends, Trix finally came back, and everything can be like old times.

"Well, I went into carpentry and opened my own skateboard shop where I customize skateboards for the little dudes and dudettes." Spud answers.

"And after Gramps died, I own his shop and I still do my AmDrag thing on the side. But, Haley is starting to take my place," I add, "I think I'll eventually retire and just put my work into preserving Gramps' legacy."

"I thought Fu Dog was manning the shop when I left. What happened to him?"

"He's still there, just not as young as he used to be. He normally lays around watching his soaps, keeping his ears close to the Magic world."

That seemed like a good enough answer for her; she nods her head and grabs another slice.

"You hear about the new reggae club that opened up down the block? I heard they got a Jamaican restaurant right next to it. Authentic jerk chicken and goat curry…"

Trixie's eyes have a shine to them that I haven't seen in a while.

"You trying to go tonight? You know your homegirl learned some moves down in South Carolina, right?"

"I'll see. I'm more interested in getting my hands on some jerk."

"Whatever. After leaving your moms', we head out to that place and bust some moves. I'm dying to hear the latest dancehall."

"It's a date. Spud, you comin'?"

"Sorry, bros. I gotta work the grave-shift working on a career-making board for a millionaire's daughter. I'll catch up with you in the morning, ok?"

"Ok. Come on, Moms is cooking her famous dumplings and I'd hate to miss them. I know Haley likes to pig out on them." I grab my coat and guide Trixie to the car while Spud hops in the back. My parents' place isn't too far; it's a good 15 minute drive where Trixie gets a shock of her life watching everything change. New York is always changing; one minute you're chilling at a burger joint and the next that burger joint becomes an Indian Cuisine restaurant that smells of turmeric and masala.

That's part of why I'm fighting so hard to keep Gramps' shop open.

But I'll tell more about that at another time.

We pull up to my parents' home and I'm greeted by Mom and Haley, both have splotches of flour and dough on their faces and hands. They see Trixie and both Spud and I make way for the lady of the hour to be mercilessly hugged and kissed by them. Squealing and chatter aside, we make our way into the and close the door.

Food is set, and after Dad says prayer, we eat.

"So, how's school?" Dad begins, taking a swig of juice.

"Pretty good, Daddy. I won another award for perfect attendance and being treasurer of the Key Club," Haley answers.

"I graduated Voorhees as head of BSU and looking at another HBCU that's heavily concentrated in medicine and biology. I'm currently applying to Brown and I'm looking for another." Trixie replies.

"Sounds fantastic! What made you want to become a doctor? Don't you get squeamish from all the blood, guts, and…uh…"

"Dear, don't think about it. I know and you know you get faint around the mention of blood." Mom warns.

"Sorry, honey, I forgot. Whoo! I'm sweating like the Dickens!" Dad pats his brow with a handkerchief.

"Take a deep breath, dear."

"Trying."

After dinner, I washed the plates while Haley insisted on setting up the room for Trixie in my old bedroom. Once everything is settled in, I took Trixie to the reggae club.

I was a little apprehensive about going; it has a seductive pull and I wasn't looking for anyone to share a bed with while I'm looking after my girl. We're dancing together, the soft beat and crooning working its magic on me. I'm noticing Trixie glow under the red lights, her curves and dark skin standing out and enticing.

My hands wrap around her, sliding down to rest at her waist as we groove to the beat. I feel her hips shake and roll as she wines to the rapid beat, and let me tell you, when a girl starts wining on you, and the music and red lights set the scene for sexual activity, you're getting some thoughts. I push her away and try to dance around her, thinking about random topics to take my mind off my other head trying to make a debut after a five year stretch. For the sake of my dignity, Trix is none the wiser.

After the last song played, I took her out for some fresh air and food. The plantains and jerk tease my stomach as I dig for my wallet to pay while Trixie downs yet another water bottle, glistening with sweat and her hair sticking to her face in wisps.

"That was fun," she says, smiling. I smile back and hand her her food. We ate in silence, both unsure of what to say next. We already caught up on the basics, we both agreed to never talk about Rose while she's here, and so far sports and politics are off the table. What now?

"Great food." She begins.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Next time we should go to my Grandma's for old school soul food. I know you love the candied yams."

"You never lie."

"Remember when you tried to fry chicken for the first time, and you doused it in salt and mustard?"

"Your grandma ate it anyway, knowing it was terrible."

"Remember when we'd sit out on the steps, drinking those 90 cent soda bottles and fighting over who could skate the best?"

"And Spud broke it up by saying he was?"

"Boy, we skated so hard that day just to prove him wrong!"

"Remember when you spent a night at my house and we had to share a bed because my family came over and Spud slept in the bathroom?"

"I do remember complaining about having your foot in my face and how loudly you'd snore!"

"At least I didn't hog the covers!"

"A small price to pay for kicking me out of the bed a few times. Literally."

"It was better than bunking in with Aunt Sheryl. She had the worst gas that night! I remember we were sleeping and she let out a big one so loud, it woke both of us up!"

"I remember that! And I thought it was you and you swore up and down it wasn't!"

"I told you!"

We laughed.

"This is our first time in a long time talking like this without Spud. It feels a little weird."

"I don't see why. We've been friends since before we even met Spud."

"I guess I'm just used to us being a trio and not a duo like we used to be."

"I know. But he has his own thing and I have mine."

"Yeah."

The mood for quiet again.

"We should get going. It's getting late and I'm used to a specific sleep schedule."

"I'll stay the night. I want you to see how well I can cook breakfast food."

"You have to sleep on the couch."

"Why not my old room?"

"Two grown ass people in a tiny ass bed? We're going to break the bedframe!"

"Actually, I tested it out with a few ladies of mine and let me tell you, that frame is pretty sturdy…"

"Shut up, Jake."

After dropping her off, I made a mental note to wake up early and bring her breakfast. As I lie in my cold, lonely apartment, I hear a chirp coming from my phone. There, in cheeky font, are the words,

 _Don't drown the eggs in salt like last time. Love you xoxo_

I smile.

Gotta love Trix.


	4. Chapter 4: Leaving

Leaving

I stand outside on the corner of the shop, smoking a cigarette and reflecting on this morning's events.

Trixie is leaving in the Fall; she got accepted into Howard's medical school after her appeal to admissions. She told us during breakfast, in an attempt to surprise us. It worked.

I have roughly 5 months to spend with Trixie before her big move to Washington D.C.

I don't know how to feel about that.

On one hand, I'm proud of my girl making strides to live out her dream of being a doctor, on the other hand I feel she's leaving me and Spud behind again; it's been five years since we last spoke and now I have to deal with her leaving for an extra four-to-six years in medical schools. To top it all off, five months is so little time; we have so much to catch up on, so much to talk about and explore, so many memories we have to make before she's gone.

Spud suggests throwing a going away party while I suggest doing a road trip to Washington to get a feel of the campus. I wanted to be aware of the surroundings, people, and culture in case of emergencies I can come running and ensure her safety. After researching and seeing all of the horror stories of racism, crime, and government conspiracies, your boy is real nervous about Homegirl leaving the safety of New York for Washington. But after talking, she put my worries to rest by explaining the demographic, location, alumni and strict no tolerance policy around the campus.

But still, I'm not going to be seeing her for a while.

Trixie went shopping with her family while Spud and I spend time at his skateboard shop; I'm painting the design while Spud polishes the wood of the latest piece.

"So," he starts, "you hear from Rose lately?"

I almost mess up my stroke on the paint.

"No, I haven't. Why do you want to know?"

"Cause you're a little more…calmer than usual. A little more mellow compared to the last few weeks after your divorce."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, bro. You're all moping and you have this killer energy that bums out the ambiance whenever we go to Kitten. Even Fu Dog mentioned it from time to time."

"Oh. Well, I guess since Trix came and took me out for a night on the town it did wonders. I needed to get out of that stuffy apartment anyway."

"About that apartment…" Spud puts down his sandpaper, "did you remove that little shrine devoted to Rose yet? It's a little creepy, even for me."

"It's not a shrine, Spud. It's my bedroom."

"With photos of your wedding everywhere on the walls and all of Rose's stuff decorating the corner in the living room?"

"I took that part down; it got real awkward bringing a girl home and she saw it. She'd think I'm some kind of stalker and leave my apartment running."

"Vivica told me about that too!"

"Stop setting me up on dates with strippers, Spud."

"Can't help it if they're charming."

"Whatever."

I finish the design. It was a red dragon shrouded in fire with the Chinese characters that said 'bravery'. Spud looked over my shoulder and nodded.

"Nice work, as always. I don't know why you don't want to just work with me. We have an excuse to hang out and I can use the extra eye in art."

"Because I have Gramps' shop to run and you know how I am about accepting favors."

"It's not a favor; it's an offer for us to be best buds again. We never even hang out like we used to after high school; it's like you and Trix left me behind while I'm here trying to make it. It gets real lonely, bro."

"Spud, we never left you behind. Life happens, people grow. You have a business where you can be yourself and make skateboards. You won a fanbase of strippers waiting for you every time you enter Kitten. I got married and Trix wanted to live her dream of being a doctor. We all have to move forward." I look over to him.

"How about we hang out later on? Just you and me."

"Can't. Nana's 103rd birthday."

"Oh."

"We'll talk about it over Trixie's party. I'm craving some of Trixie's grandma's soul food."

"Alright. Just remember to not get the _itis_ again."

We laugh and bump fists.

That night, I came over to Mom's crib to check up on ol' girl. She's in my old room, cross-legged and typing on her laptop. I make my wav over to the bed and plop down next to her. She jumps with a yelp, yanking her headphones from her ears and glaring at me.

"Boy, don't you ever knock?"

"It's my room."

" _Old_ room."

"Still my room."

"Whatever. What do you need? I'm polishing my medical terminology right now and I can't afford to lose focus."

"Well, you're leaving in five months, Trix. Why not do it the night before and not worry about it?"

"Because I have to be on top of it now. This is Howard; it's the big leagues of HBCU's and I can't afford to come in unprepared and…"

She pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I'm exhausted," she sighs.

"Then sit on the Ol' Mac Daddy's lap and I can take the ease off." I wag my eyebrows at her.

"Shut up." She rolls over so I could get comfortable.

"I'm proud of you, you know." I begin, "graduated high school with Top Honors, graduated Voorhees with a Bachelors in Medicine, and you're going to Howard for medicine so you can be _the_ Miss Doctor Carter you've been talking about ever since you were old enough to pronounce _bronchial tubes_."

She chuckles.

"I couldn't have done it without you, Jake. You and Spud, you've been there for me since forever. We been through everything together; making it as a doctor and being able to help you guys and the magical world means a lot to me."

"Is that why you've been carrying that clunky first aid kit whenever we went on a mission?"

"Yeah. I always thought that whenever you fought _Rose_ -" I flinch "—I can become prepared to patch you back up, or keep you conscious enough to get real help if the wounds got too bad. I wouldn't forgive myself if you died and I couldn't do anything to help."

I look over at her. She's biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut.

"Hey," I say softly, "look at me."

I grab her chin and we lock eyes.

"I'm not going to die by anyone's hand but the Big Man Himself. Don't you ever carry that fear or guilt on your shoulders. If I did die, it wouldn't have been your fault. At all. You hear me?"

"That doesn't stop me from worrying about you, Jake! Every time you fought Rose, every time she cut you or shot at you, every time you and her were on the brink of killing each other, I watched. I was afraid that every fight would've been the last. I was scared for you, so scared."

The tears finally fell. I held her close to me, letting her sob into my chest.

"Trix, it's okay. I'm here, aren't I? I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I place a kiss in her mass of hair.

"I'm never leaving you behind, I've done enough of that five years ago."

"How's Trixie settling in?" Fu Dog asks me as I sip on my cup of joe. The store doesn't open for another hour; Fu Dog and I had to sort out the affairs of the Leprechauns and the Pixies when Haley got confused over dialect and customs. Again.

"She's doing good. I shit you not; she's purchasing Howard merch as we speak. My room looks like Howard itself vomited in it. Homegirl's obsessed."

"Be happy for her; at least she's not spending her entire paycheck on porn."

"It was my _20_ _th_ _birthday_! Give me a break!"

"I never thought I'd see Gramps turn so many colors when he opened up your laptop…"

"He couldn't look at me with a straight face for a week without mumbling ' _Beaver Fever Part 6: The Chocolate Exploration'_. He'd cuss me out and call me _pervert_ , _dumbass_ , _buffoon_ after _…_ all in so many ways that was uniquely Gramps."

"That was funny as hell," Fu Dog cackles, "Best believe I'll never let you live that down."

"Never put it past you."

The air got thick.

"I miss him, you know," Fu Dog confesses.

"I do too. He was always there when I needed him."

Before the mood could get more somber, the tinny ring of the door opened and in comes Spud.

Should've locked the door.

"'Sup, Spud."

"'Sup. Need a hand? I have no traffic comin' at my place, so you want me to make myself useful and be the muscle?"

"Spud, just because you opened that jar of pickles for me that one time doesn't mean you're the muscle of the group."

"Jealous?"

"Shut up and help me lift this damn television out back. The Cartwrights want this thing up and ready around 10."


End file.
